Christmas jumpers, those fancy frocks and all the alcohol you can possibly consume in a short space of time, it’s Christmas party season everyone! To celebrate this week’s release of Office Christmas Party, starring Jennifer Aniston, Jason Bateman, T.J. Miller, Kate McKinnon and Olivia Munn – and just for the fun of it – some of the team here at Filmoria have put their heads together for our very own ultimate Christmas party dates. Expect heartthrobs, sassiness and dream sequences aplenty!
1. Jeremy Irons
If I had the opportunity to bring any celebrity to a work Christmas party, I would have to go with Jeremy Irons. Ignore the fact that we share the surname “Irons”, I think Jeremy would be a fun addition to any standard work function.
He has always been the sort of actor that draws attention the moment he steps onto the screen. He seems to have that kind of presence in real life too. He’s quick witted, widely knowledgeable, and has the ability to command attention by simply opening his mouth and letting that angelic, yet serpent-like, voice do the talking for him. Handsome, self-assured, alluring, charismatic. No doubt that Jeremy Irons would mostly be located at the bar, downing a bottle of scotch that’s aged 20 years, possibly chatting up the ladies and making every man in the office wish they were him.
The fact that he’s been my number one celebrity crush since I was 9 (many thanks in part to The Lion King) may also have something to do with invite. I just hope that no one invites James Earl Jones. That could get a little awkward….
Rhiannon Elizabeth Irons
2. Tom Hiddleston
After a short-lived whirlwind romance with singer Taylor Swift, there’s some good news ladies and gentlemen, Tom Hiddleston is single, back on the market, and is the perfect choice for your office Christmas party date!
As the God of Mischief, Loki in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, charming Tom proved he has the mischievous streak that will always keep you on your toes! Sure he might’ve tried to destroy the world by opening up a giant wormhole and summoning an alien invasion, but there certainly wouldn’t be a dull moment with him around, that’s for sure.
As appearances on various chat shows have proved, and further evidenced in the Ben Wheatley-directed High Rise, Hiddleston has all the dance moves, so would undoubtedly be the life and soul of any festive shindig. When he’s not tearing up the dancefloor, he also has a wonderful not-so-hidden talent for celebrity impersonations, so would do an amazing job at keeping your colleagues entertained as well, whilst you’re getting the drinks in.
Finally, with Hiddleston being hotly tipped to play suave super spy James Bond at some point in the future, he looks pretty dapper in a suit as well…but that’s just a bonus really!
3. Felicity Jones
Christmas parties can go one of two ways: they’ll either be an enormous embarrassment where your nearest and dearest, or your co-workers, get absolutely hammered, fall over, break stuff, have a row, and then wake to a seriously sore head and a peppering of bruises…or they can be seriously elegant and sleek affairs. I’m talking sharp suits, gorgeous gowns, waiters with entrées; the works.
Now I’m a guy who loves to suit up, and there is no date I’d love on the arm of my three-piece more than Felicity Jones. She is completely pure and classic; graceful, sophisticated, and stunningly beautiful – the type of woman who’ll provide equal laughs and smarts on a night out – and the one which’ll have heads turning when she leads you to the dancefloor. Plus, now that she is a certified Rebel, she has masses of Kung-Fu training, which means it if all kicks off, she can really throw down, even when draped in Alexander McQueen.
Jones has been my dream wife since I first saw Cemetery Junction back in 2010, and like the finest of wines, she only gets better with age. Not just her looks, but her presence and power on screen. It has been an awfully long road for the gorgeous Brit, but now aged 33, she has finally landed the role which will sky-rocket her career, and rightly so. But before all that happens, she is coming to the ball with me.
I’m getting dressed right now my dear, so I’ll pick you up at 8pm, okay?
4. Emma Stone
My wife and I have somewhat of an ‘agreement’ in place that if Emma Stone were ever to offer to whisk me away for the Hollywood lifestyle I simply couldn’t say no (she is the same for Justin Timberlake may I add) so naturally she would be my first and only pick for a date night at a Christmas party.
Not only is she a stunning redhead (and equally as beautiful in blonde form) but she has that full package that very few other women in Hollywood can even dream of. She is supremely funny, so that ticks the boxes for immediate ice-breaking, she can dance – meaning everyone will be looking at her and not my dodgy dance moves – and she can sing like an angel as showcased in her upcoming movie La La Land.
All of these attributes make her the ultimate party date and someone you just wouldn’t want to let go of throughout the entirety of the party. I bet she loves a good drinking game too!
5. Monica Bellucci
Though I couldn’t be considered a ‘lover’ of the festive season. I do think that when it comes to parties or gatherings, a touch of class is always warranted. That’s why my Ultimate Christmas Party Date without much deliberation, would be the actress/model Monica Bellucci.
There is something about Ms Bellucci that subtly screams elegance, culture, charm and warmth. So there’d certainly be no Slade and Wizzard playing for our liking. A light orchestral piece would be more adequate – maybe with some sleigh bells as it IS Christmas….
And while there is no denying her beauty – it’s easy to highlight someone for solely that. But I think with a history in two worldwide fields of work, cinema and the modelling industry there is ripeness for enlightening, endearing conversations and captivating fellow guests. Not to mention that being fluent in no less than four languages will certainly chalk up more interest than your average party-goer.
The actress is also approximately 20 years older than myself. Some would deem such a choice as a party date to be, shall we say unique, in day to day life. But hey, some things (and people), just get better with age.
Like a fine Barbaresco, perhaps?
6. Anna Kendrick
I can’t think of anyone I’d pick to be my Christmas party date over Anna Kendrick.
I think we’d have a lot to talk about, and by that, I mean I’d love to talk to her about some of her movies I love. First on the list would be The Voices, and just how bizarre that was to film. She’d tell funny anecdotes about other films from her filmography- including Scott Pilgrim vs. The World and Up in the Air hopefully – and everyone at the party would be as enamoured as I would be.
We’d also talk about her championing herself for the role of Squirrel Girl, and what impact this would have on the MCU. Anna Kendrick could only improve any cinematic universe.
As the night goes on and everyone’s had a bit more to drink, that’s when the real fun begins. We can stick on the karaoke and belt out the full Pitch Perfect soundtrack and she can show me where I’m going wrong in my performance of “Cups”.
Going into work the next morning, I’d be welcomed as the returning hero who brought the most fun person ever to the office Christmas party. Aca-dream can’t I?
7. Jon Hamm
The ideal Christmas party date makes your friends jealous, whilst charming your colleagues and making you look great. That’s why I’ve picked Jon Hamm. We all know he looks great in a suit, and pulls off effortless charm with a cocktail in hand, so there’s a couple of boxes ticked.
He’s also hilarious, so will keep me entertained all evening when the office festivities prove to be less than thrilling, and seems to be on the right side of sensible to prevent me from doing anything too embarrassing towards the end of the night. Speaking of which, those suits look as if they’re hiding a pretty muscular physique, so he can give me a piggy back to the chip shop once my feet have given up from wearing heels all night. Thanks for a good night, Jon Hamm!
8. Amy Schumer
Yes, many will choose their celebrity crush for their Christmas party date. But, depending on the party, this may not be your best option. I mean Matt Damon would be my absolute choice for a fantasy weekend… well, anywhere. I’m sure he could rock the ugly Christmas sweater, and he seems like a super nice guy, but I want someone who can make me laugh in any situation, and I don’t want to be mingling with friends or co-workers if he’s around. The Christmas party demands a certain type of persona. That’s why my plus one is easily Amy Schumer (and if she wants to bring along her good friend Jennifer Lawrence, all the better!).
If you’re headed to your office party, you’ll perhaps want someone who can put your boss in their place, without them even knowing it. If you’ve had a few too many, count on Amy to come up with something witty (or perhaps downright dirty) to take all focus off of your one-too-many-eggnog mistake. You can bet that Amy will have a solution for any situation. Got stuck with that creepy co-worker under the mistletoe? Guaranteed Amy is coming to the rescue with a cutting comment. Someone bringing all their political baggage to the holiday celebration? She’s got enough in her Twitter feed to keep them busy! Found out your forgot your secret Santa gift? Please, you brought Amy Schumer!! With Amy, even if the party is a total drag you can be assured of a fun night out and hopefully some tickets to her next stand up gig (please, Amy?).
Office Christmas Party opens in UK cinemas from Wednesday, 7th December. Read our official verdict here.